After that excited blog yesterday, last evening about 20 min. before leaving for work, I checked my email and there was a letter from our agency. I don't really understand, but the jist of it was that starting Jan. 1 2008 there will be no adoptions allowed by the Guatemalan govt. to nonHague countries, which includes the US. So, we have two choices 1. change countries 2. wait and see if they change their mind or it is overruled.
So right now, of course, our agency is not going to refer any more babies.
I know that God knows where our baby is, now it is up to Aaron and I to pray and listen to see where God decides to lead us. Whether to stay and wait, or maybe this was God's plan all along and our daughter was never in Guatemala.
I am so stressed and last night at work, I was almost lightheaded with worry. It didn't help that I read it right before walking out the door. So, I am slowly calming down. If our daughter isn't in Guatemala, I know someday I will be able to look back and be thankful that God led us in this direction.
It is just hard to give up a dream even if you know that God has better dreams for you. For instance, I went through mild mourning of the dream of having a boy that looked just like Aaron. Everyone with an awesome husband I think wants a boy just like him. When it became clear that God was planning something different, then I had to give up that dream and it is hard,but I don't have a problem with it anymore. It won't happen, no sense in grieving.
Then, when I knew I wasn't going to carry another baby, I mourned that dream and prayed that God would help me get over that. And He did and now, I don't really have a desire at all to get pregnant. (And when I waver, Aaron makes vomiting noises and brings me back to reality) For 5 years, I have pictured our adopted baby as Guatemalan. A little, chubby long black haired, dark skinned baby. Now, I have to alter my dreams. Of course, they may change their minds. I just want everyone to say a little prayer that we will go in the direction God wants us to. Thanks for listening.
I will be at a Ladies Retreat tonight from church and Aaron is taking the girls to see his parents - his dad's birthday is tomorrow. Karen