I have been in a pity party lately with myself.
Sad that it seemed for a long, long time that no one really cared about our adoption.
I would go months without anyone asking what was going on, where we were in the process, etc. And truthfully, it has kind of hurt that no one seemed to care. We have been on our own.
I don't want to bring it up because I felt like if they didn't care enough about it to ask me, then they surely didn't care enough to want me to bring it up.
But then it struck me at church on Sunday evening, while listening to the sermon. Probably the last month, the sermons that have been preached, and the classes that I have been to have all been about getting off your rear, getting uncomfortable, sacrificing something for God.
God doesn't call us to a life of comfort, a life of sitting back and enjoying what "WE" have accomplished.
Are you rich and can buy any toy you want and have a big house and you think of all you accomplished- perhaps God blessed you with the ability to make that money so you would give some back to Him. Perhaps you thought you were buying your big house so you could have sooo much space, but perhaps God led you to that house so you could fit a few more children in it. Children with no hope. Children that could have a bright future with you.
Yes, it costs a ton of money to adopt, and yes the child may have a lot to get over, and yes, you may have to start all over again with small children even though you are out of that stage with your other children. But look how God has blessed you. Bless others with it!
This life is not about getting ahead. It is about taking what God has given you and using it for Him. Don't be so cocky as to think that you did it all on your own.
Anyway, I got off track. Back to the sermons and lessons lately.
They have been so encouraging for Aaron and my journey. For us losing so much money on the first two countries. Now we are working extra to pay off the failed adoption so we can start again and probably go into debt again. Why do we do it?
I am sure others are probably thinking the same thing. Some have said it to me. Some with so much more than us, question our sanity as to why we give up what little we have for this, when we could use the money on ourselves.
I have thought the same thing. When I am down, I think the same thing. But then God doesn't let me stay there long...
He brings us lessons like we have had lately. When we left church Sunday night, I told Aaron... "you know, this whole adoption, I feel like we have been on our own. No one cares. I have prayed to God that he would send people to encourage us. Why is there no encouragement?!! But then tonight and lately, I realized that God is not going through our friends to encourage us, but coming directly to us through the preachers. I don't need other people to encourage me, when God Himself is doing it! " What a blessing!
If we quit now, there will be at least one more little girl who doesn't have a home. Who grows up without a Daddy and Mommy. Yes, if we quit now, we can pay off our debt, and move on. Make some money and buy some toys and say "we tried" . It was too hard. Guess since it was hard and expensive, we should just forget about it. No one would blame us. Actually, most people blame us for starting in the first place.
But if we quit, Sa tan wins. And that little girl who almost made it to a permanent home loses. And we lose. We lose a blessing.
"Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the cown of likfe that God has promised to those who love him" James 1:12